camping kitchen table with sink image
Eric's Nam
You can come up with more than one or post an old one someone else came up with. Best original pun(s) gets best answer!
Please try to use some originality people!
Answer
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
=
1.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3.
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17.
A backward poet writes inverse.
18.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.
19.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21.
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
=
I'm going to be on crutches for four months any tips?
bellae2
Having foot/ankle surgery and will not be able to put any pressure on it. So if anyone has any tips it would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you sooooo much for the suggestions. And PLEASE keep them coming.
Answer
I am still getting through knee & ankle surgery (in Feb) and won't be "back to normal" for several more months. My injuries were the result of an accident - it sounds like you might be able to "plan ahead" before the surgery - if that's the case here are some ideas:
You might want to ask for a wheelchair (usually you can rent and insurance will cover if the dr approves). Depending on the layout/age of your house, you might not be able to get into every room with the wheelchair, but it'll make things easier (plus- you can raise the leg thing on it to keep your foot elevated when you're not camped out on the couch, in a recliner or in bed).
Hand-Problems - get some pipe insulation from the hardware store (it's a dense kind of styrofoam) and put that on the places where you put your hands on the crutches or walker. IT WILL WORK MUCH BETTER than the foam that some physical therapists give you because. You can get 12 feet for like $3 and as it loose's it's "give" just cut some new stuff and change it out.
Get as much "stuff" off of the floor as possible - I mean EVERYTHING! Throw rugs, shoes, waste baskets, magazine racks, dirty clothes, etc... CRUTCHES ARE DANGEROUS!! Personally, as much as I hated to use it, a walker is better - you'll be more stable and you can hop on one foot while leaning on the walker and get just about anywhere.
(this one isn't pretty but....) In the bathroom... getting on/off the toilet will be a challenge - you can use 1 crutch to help you lift/get down and try to pull yourself up hanging onto something STABLE (like the bathtub). If you pull/put too much pressure on the toilet or sink, they can come loose and you don't want to have to deal with that mess while you're rehabbing. And while we're on that topic - get some "personal wipes". It's not as easy to stay clean and these will help - just don't flush, despite what the box says, they can clog pipes so wrap them up in a Kleenex and throw away in the trash.
If you have people in the house - PREPARE THEM - you'll be better able to take care of yourself if things in the kitchen/ bathroom are on the counters instead of in cabinets/ on shelves. Yes, it will look messy, but would they rather wait on you hand & foot or deal with keeping some glasses and misc snacks, soaps, personal care stuff on the countertops?
Set up a "camp" and keep things that you use very close. I set up on my couch and keep my laptop on the coffee table, and have a giant plastic bin next to the couch with magazines, files (to pay my bills, etc..), cards (the ones people have sent to me and blank notecards so I can send thank-you notes), a trash can, a paper shredder (for when I pay my bills), crackers, dental floss, nail polish, nail files, pain meds, vitamins all within hands reach, but still stuffed in a corner so they are out of the way.
I can't tell how old you are or what your home situation is like. I live alone so I've had people come in once a month to clean the house. It's not that expensive - I only have them do the kitchen, bathroom then vacuum/dust the other rooms so they are only here for less than 2 hours.
Laundry - you won't be able to use stairs for a while - and my washer/dryer are in the basement so I've had to do A LOT of hand-washing. Plan to wear a few items and wash them out in the sink every couple of days so you don't have piles of stuff to clean. Be careful with the bleach - I'm going to have to throw a lot of stuff out once I'm back on my feet again - but to wear around the house or even to physcials therapy - it's not too bad. If you can find a friend or laundry service to do your sheets & towels - it'll help A LOT!
Driving - I couldn't drive for several months and needed help from friends to get groceries, prescriptions, etc.... Try to keep a running list of what you need so you're not caught off guard when someone calls you and says that they are at the store - do you need anything? If you can drive - go to the BMV/DMV and get a handicapped placard for your rearview mirror (your dr has to sign it so either ask the dr to give you the signed form or print the form from the internet and take it to the dr to sign).
Food - people are going to tell you to get frozen dinners and they will think that's "the solution". Well, that's wrong. Yes, you can microwave the dinners, but HOW DO YOU CARRY THEM ANYWHERE once they are hot and you are on crutches or using a walker?!?! If you can tied some kind of bag (like the kind that you get at the grocery store) onto the crutches or walker, then a better solution is to get deli meat and bread/rolls. Make sandwiches, put them in baggies and then in the bag on your crutches/walker and S-L-O-W-L-Y work your way to the table or some place to sit. If you do want hot food, make sure that you have a chair in the kitchen that is halfway between the fridge/sink/trash/stove. You can sit in the chair when your are just too tired to get to the other side (or are waiting for the microwave to heat something up) and then put the hot food on the chair and push the chair a couple of feet, then hop a couple of feet and then push the chair, etc... until you get the chair/food to where you want it. You can also use the chair when get something out of the fridge, put it on the chair, then get yourself over to the counter or sink and lean
I am still getting through knee & ankle surgery (in Feb) and won't be "back to normal" for several more months. My injuries were the result of an accident - it sounds like you might be able to "plan ahead" before the surgery - if that's the case here are some ideas:
You might want to ask for a wheelchair (usually you can rent and insurance will cover if the dr approves). Depending on the layout/age of your house, you might not be able to get into every room with the wheelchair, but it'll make things easier (plus- you can raise the leg thing on it to keep your foot elevated when you're not camped out on the couch, in a recliner or in bed).
Hand-Problems - get some pipe insulation from the hardware store (it's a dense kind of styrofoam) and put that on the places where you put your hands on the crutches or walker. IT WILL WORK MUCH BETTER than the foam that some physical therapists give you because. You can get 12 feet for like $3 and as it loose's it's "give" just cut some new stuff and change it out.
Get as much "stuff" off of the floor as possible - I mean EVERYTHING! Throw rugs, shoes, waste baskets, magazine racks, dirty clothes, etc... CRUTCHES ARE DANGEROUS!! Personally, as much as I hated to use it, a walker is better - you'll be more stable and you can hop on one foot while leaning on the walker and get just about anywhere.
(this one isn't pretty but....) In the bathroom... getting on/off the toilet will be a challenge - you can use 1 crutch to help you lift/get down and try to pull yourself up hanging onto something STABLE (like the bathtub). If you pull/put too much pressure on the toilet or sink, they can come loose and you don't want to have to deal with that mess while you're rehabbing. And while we're on that topic - get some "personal wipes". It's not as easy to stay clean and these will help - just don't flush, despite what the box says, they can clog pipes so wrap them up in a Kleenex and throw away in the trash.
If you have people in the house - PREPARE THEM - you'll be better able to take care of yourself if things in the kitchen/ bathroom are on the counters instead of in cabinets/ on shelves. Yes, it will look messy, but would they rather wait on you hand & foot or deal with keeping some glasses and misc snacks, soaps, personal care stuff on the countertops?
Set up a "camp" and keep things that you use very close. I set up on my couch and keep my laptop on the coffee table, and have a giant plastic bin next to the couch with magazines, files (to pay my bills, etc..), cards (the ones people have sent to me and blank notecards so I can send thank-you notes), a trash can, a paper shredder (for when I pay my bills), crackers, dental floss, nail polish, nail files, pain meds, vitamins all within hands reach, but still stuffed in a corner so they are out of the way.
I can't tell how old you are or what your home situation is like. I live alone so I've had people come in once a month to clean the house. It's not that expensive - I only have them do the kitchen, bathroom then vacuum/dust the other rooms so they are only here for less than 2 hours.
Laundry - you won't be able to use stairs for a while - and my washer/dryer are in the basement so I've had to do A LOT of hand-washing. Plan to wear a few items and wash them out in the sink every couple of days so you don't have piles of stuff to clean. Be careful with the bleach - I'm going to have to throw a lot of stuff out once I'm back on my feet again - but to wear around the house or even to physcials therapy - it's not too bad. If you can find a friend or laundry service to do your sheets & towels - it'll help A LOT!
Driving - I couldn't drive for several months and needed help from friends to get groceries, prescriptions, etc.... Try to keep a running list of what you need so you're not caught off guard when someone calls you and says that they are at the store - do you need anything? If you can drive - go to the BMV/DMV and get a handicapped placard for your rearview mirror (your dr has to sign it so either ask the dr to give you the signed form or print the form from the internet and take it to the dr to sign).
Food - people are going to tell you to get frozen dinners and they will think that's "the solution". Well, that's wrong. Yes, you can microwave the dinners, but HOW DO YOU CARRY THEM ANYWHERE once they are hot and you are on crutches or using a walker?!?! If you can tied some kind of bag (like the kind that you get at the grocery store) onto the crutches or walker, then a better solution is to get deli meat and bread/rolls. Make sandwiches, put them in baggies and then in the bag on your crutches/walker and S-L-O-W-L-Y work your way to the table or some place to sit. If you do want hot food, make sure that you have a chair in the kitchen that is halfway between the fridge/sink/trash/stove. You can sit in the chair when your are just too tired to get to the other side (or are waiting for the microwave to heat something up) and then put the hot food on the chair and push the chair a couple of feet, then hop a couple of feet and then push the chair, etc... until you get the chair/food to where you want it. You can also use the chair when get something out of the fridge, put it on the chair, then get yourself over to the counter or sink and lean
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Title Post: What puns can you come up with?
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Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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